-----Original Message-----
From: AJ Johnson [mailto:ajjohns@students.uiuc.edu]
Sent: Thursday, November 13, 1997 3:35 AM
Subject:
Today is Thursday, November 13, 1997. Two weeks until Thanksgiving.
GOBBLE GOBBLE BOWL IV
Thanksgiving Day
Thursday, November 27, 1997
10:00 AM, STC Football Practice Fields
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Given the turnout during previous holidays, I nearly gave up on the Gobble Gobble Bowl this year in order to give exclusive Thanksgiving rights to the new and improved Dunkin’ Dunkin’ Bowl (less time, more sugar). But part of me can’t let go.
I put a lot of time into these poetic invitations (started composing on October 10), and it pains me to realize that those I once called friends have become too apathetic to have some fun. So no more trite jokes about crying in my beer -- it never happened. No more whining about how much I miss you -- unless you showed up last year, I don’t. If you girls want to come out and play, be there. Otherwise, stay home and pretend that you’re better than the rest of us. We know the truth.
And, as always, females are also invited.
Further, I feel obligated to ask that you do not take advantage of my extensive list of email addresses in order to send a response to everyone saying how much you wish you could come but you can't so at least you'll reply to this invitation en masse and thus people will think you actually care about them even though you can barely remember what half the people look like, much less their middle name. I rather enjoy it, but some people find it upsetting to discover 38 emails in their inbox all of which are just a forwarded version of the same meaningless spit that AJ conceived followed by some nugatory hello from people they wish they could forget.
Thank you,
AJ "I retired the turquoise sweatpants" Johnson
ajjohns@uiuc.edu
http://www.cen.uiuc.edu/~ajjohns/bowlgame.html
-----Original Message-----
From: AJ Johnson [mailto:ajjohns@students.uiuc.edu]
Sent: Tuesday, November 18, 1997 1:38 AM
Subject: RE: gobble gobble
Ladies and Gentlemen:
There seems to have been some confusion in regards to my original email, especially among those whom I email somewhere between very infrequently and never. So if as a result of last week’s antagonistic invitation you now loath the words "AJ Johnson" and "Gobble Gobble Bowl", I beg you to read on. If not, you obviously have already been indoctrinated with my underappreciated sense of humor and you can throw this away.
I don’t hate any of you, I haven’t lost faith STC grads, and don’t think that I'm better than you or that you feel that way towards me. I certainly don’t make sweeping character judgements based on attendance at these pathetic football games. If you won’t be at The Game because of familiar commitments, because you are out of town, state, or country, or because you simply don’t want to play, then don’t feel any pressure to show up or even apologize. There’s no master list that I check off when you arrive at the game and I won’t hold your absence against you. The perceived hostility used in my original message is only representative of my feeble attempt to chide people into playing football. It’s called sarcasm; laugh at it. (Yes, that was another joke.)
So if you are still offended, please come to the game and kick my ass. Or don’t. In either case, have a good semester and enjoy the holiday weekend.
All my love, AJ